Happy Days
22-05-2014, 05:07 PM
Edit - The "real" Round 9 didn't count because we didn't play, duh. Totally not a typo.
Last Time We Met
Us - 8.13.61
Mercenary Dickheads - 13.15.93
Not as bad a loss in retrospect but this one stung. Killed Nick Lower as a Bulldog dead; RIP 2013-2013 everybody pour some out for Nick. Stringer did some things, everyone else sucked.
3 Reasons To Hate Gold Coast
1. They all make way more money than I do. Like, seriously, Karmichael Hunt is making approximately $4.2billion this year to drink mid-strength beer and eat a second serving of dinner every night. Remember how they poached Harbrow because he missed his mum and was generally a pussy? BULL SHIT. All about stacks. How can you not love Melbourne anyway? NO WHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD HAS LANEWAYS AND COFFEE apparently.
2. They have a toxic culture and totally get away with it because Toby Greene and Taylor Adams happen to be the only two dickheads in the AFL who don't play for them. A GWS player goes psycho at a bar over them not having Pineapple Cruisers on tap or whatever and everyone screams about their lack of lack of leadership, but not up North. Getting in fights overseas? Breaking each other's jaws? K-Oing their girlfriends? THOSE YOUNG PARTY ANIMALS SURE KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!
3. Is their any actual physical proof that the Gold Coast even exists? It's all empty skyscrapers and whimsical ideas of theme parks and fake, way too tanned, blonde 45-year olds with recently done sleeve tattoos and life mortgaging Lambos. It's like the whole place is made of CGI or something.
Selection Table
Us
RETURN OF THE MACK BABY! Seriously Grant is back, it's gonna be awesome and perfect because our forwards (with the exception of the fat boy) have been largely garbage this year. Grant is not garbage.
Roughead is also playing, which is perfect again because they play really, really tall up forward through guys like Dixon, Lynch and Smith, who'll probably spend a bit of time deep. I also really hope we bring in Smith, because (spoiler) we need first hands on the ball as much as possible, and Smith is an absolute psycho.
I think the changes, from what we've heard during the week anyway, pretty much write themselves; Grant, Roughead and Smith for Dickson, Jones and Williams
Them
I think they go no change. Looked fantastic against the Saints and I don't think they'll be forced to make any moves. Lemmens looked pretty sore when he came off but I've just put that down to being a young guy trying to make his way in this crazy world and maybe I should just get off his back.
Key Match-Ups
Wood Vs Bennell
Because they got the world handed to them by the AFL they have the luxury of playing potential top-5 midfielder Harley Bennell at Full Forward, because *!*! the rest of the competition that's why. Picken is an option here but after watching him closely last week, Bennell would be far too strong when one-out. The Suns look to find him in this spot regularly, given the big guys are willing to get on their bikes and leave the freakishly talented Bennell the Fev Zone to humiliate people with.
Wood does have this strength though, and the speed too; hopefully the smarts he's been showing the past few weeks weren't an illusion and he doesn't get shaken out of his shoes. Also Bennell does NOT play D, so we're a chance for some rebound out of this match-up. Should be a good one.
Picken Vs Matera
Does anyone have any desire to see Liam get killed by Ablett the God again? Didn't think so.
Matera is a sneakily good player who is insanely quick, silky skilled and does not miss goals under any circumstance ever. I seem to say this every week but the key to this match-up for Liam is simply to not give him any room to breathe. He got off the leash early against the Saints and they could never reel him back in. Matera can fade out of contests if he is locked down on, and it's something we need to address.
The Middle (Or, How do we even begin to think about doing anything about Ablett)
This part of the ground is exactly why we need to bring in an extra out-and-out midfield rotation this week (meaning no Stevens, Hrovat or anyone not named Clay Smith), because the ONLY way you can stop Ablett is to not let him have the ball (duh). You can't tackle the guy so if he gets it he's gone. Obviously someone will give him extra attention (I vote Boyd but lol), but to really restrict his influence we need to have two premium extractors (Libba and Smith) around the ball, as well as extra numbers where we can. Basically we need to win as much of the ball as possible. As athletic or whatever they're hyping this week as Zac Smith is, it's still only his second game back; I'm hoping Will beats the shit out him over 4 quarters and gets really physical.
Side note, there is no way that Ablett doesn't go for 35 and 4, so let's just accept that none of this will happen. I'm trying to come up with anything we can do here and the bow is stretching loooooooong.
One of their hacks (Russell, Shaw, etc.) is going to tag Griffen but this is an afterthought if they follow what I'll lay out later.
This isn't to disregard Prestia and O'Meara and Swallow when he rotates through (seriously *!*! the AFL), but right now, if we go straight head to head with our guys we theoretically should break even with them at this stage of their careers. In two years we are so so boned but not just yet.
Forwards Vs Backs
This could get tricky because, as mentioned earlier, their big forwards can catch and have enormous tanks. Roughead to Lynch, who is less mobile than Dixon, is the obvious matchup but Charlie presents a far greater problem. We're obviously going to put Morris on him but he's way too big for Dale if he's deep. We could let him drift up the ground but he's also an excellent kick and if given too much space can engineer attack for them. We've just gotta hope that Moz can do what he always does and beats guys he has no real right to.
JJ to Hall but no one cares about Hall. Or JJ if we're being real. There's just so much else to worry about.
As for the inverse, I actually feel kinda good about this. Their backs (namely Swallow and Mackenzie) lean on Thompson and May to play all the defense so they can set up attacks, but with Jones out and there being very little chance of us playing a second ruck, Thompson doesn't have a clear match-up. Whoever he goes to has to run him off his feet and use what should be a speed advantage; I'm hoping this is Crameri, who will hopefully use his tank to work up the ground and hit Grant up on the lead 12 or so times throughout the game.
As for what this means for Mackenzie and Swallow, they might actually have to *gasp* defend. We aren't going to get both of them, but if we can get one I'd prefer it be Mackenzie. That kick is just...well damn. Whoever gets him (I'm thinking Stringer) needs to take him deep. I haven't seen much of him one on one and I'm hoping it's for a reason.
Stylistically
The Gold Coast are an aesthetically beautiful team and, when given the opportunity, absolutely ribbon teams. I don't think they have a single player (that they allow to touch the ball anyway) that isn't an excellent kick. They work extremely well in space, and they're so so quick that they can carry the ball past the opposition if they don't feel like using raking 50m lace out passes.
So let's not let them do any of that and make the game as ugly as possible. 8, no, no 10 GUYS at every stoppage. Play dirty. Don't afford them any of the luxuries that they've had in their wins so far. The Roos are a worse version of the GC, and this style of play, whilst rage inducing, almost, and should have gotten us a win. And winning is dope, never forget.
In-Game Soundtrack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXfaJ9lsC58&feature=kp
The God is back and it's just the tits. Who's got him down for 12 goals? Because I do.
But seriously I think we're gonna die.
GC by 45.
Last Time We Met
Us - 8.13.61
Mercenary Dickheads - 13.15.93
Not as bad a loss in retrospect but this one stung. Killed Nick Lower as a Bulldog dead; RIP 2013-2013 everybody pour some out for Nick. Stringer did some things, everyone else sucked.
3 Reasons To Hate Gold Coast
1. They all make way more money than I do. Like, seriously, Karmichael Hunt is making approximately $4.2billion this year to drink mid-strength beer and eat a second serving of dinner every night. Remember how they poached Harbrow because he missed his mum and was generally a pussy? BULL SHIT. All about stacks. How can you not love Melbourne anyway? NO WHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD HAS LANEWAYS AND COFFEE apparently.
2. They have a toxic culture and totally get away with it because Toby Greene and Taylor Adams happen to be the only two dickheads in the AFL who don't play for them. A GWS player goes psycho at a bar over them not having Pineapple Cruisers on tap or whatever and everyone screams about their lack of lack of leadership, but not up North. Getting in fights overseas? Breaking each other's jaws? K-Oing their girlfriends? THOSE YOUNG PARTY ANIMALS SURE KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!
3. Is their any actual physical proof that the Gold Coast even exists? It's all empty skyscrapers and whimsical ideas of theme parks and fake, way too tanned, blonde 45-year olds with recently done sleeve tattoos and life mortgaging Lambos. It's like the whole place is made of CGI or something.
Selection Table
Us
RETURN OF THE MACK BABY! Seriously Grant is back, it's gonna be awesome and perfect because our forwards (with the exception of the fat boy) have been largely garbage this year. Grant is not garbage.
Roughead is also playing, which is perfect again because they play really, really tall up forward through guys like Dixon, Lynch and Smith, who'll probably spend a bit of time deep. I also really hope we bring in Smith, because (spoiler) we need first hands on the ball as much as possible, and Smith is an absolute psycho.
I think the changes, from what we've heard during the week anyway, pretty much write themselves; Grant, Roughead and Smith for Dickson, Jones and Williams
Them
I think they go no change. Looked fantastic against the Saints and I don't think they'll be forced to make any moves. Lemmens looked pretty sore when he came off but I've just put that down to being a young guy trying to make his way in this crazy world and maybe I should just get off his back.
Key Match-Ups
Wood Vs Bennell
Because they got the world handed to them by the AFL they have the luxury of playing potential top-5 midfielder Harley Bennell at Full Forward, because *!*! the rest of the competition that's why. Picken is an option here but after watching him closely last week, Bennell would be far too strong when one-out. The Suns look to find him in this spot regularly, given the big guys are willing to get on their bikes and leave the freakishly talented Bennell the Fev Zone to humiliate people with.
Wood does have this strength though, and the speed too; hopefully the smarts he's been showing the past few weeks weren't an illusion and he doesn't get shaken out of his shoes. Also Bennell does NOT play D, so we're a chance for some rebound out of this match-up. Should be a good one.
Picken Vs Matera
Does anyone have any desire to see Liam get killed by Ablett the God again? Didn't think so.
Matera is a sneakily good player who is insanely quick, silky skilled and does not miss goals under any circumstance ever. I seem to say this every week but the key to this match-up for Liam is simply to not give him any room to breathe. He got off the leash early against the Saints and they could never reel him back in. Matera can fade out of contests if he is locked down on, and it's something we need to address.
The Middle (Or, How do we even begin to think about doing anything about Ablett)
This part of the ground is exactly why we need to bring in an extra out-and-out midfield rotation this week (meaning no Stevens, Hrovat or anyone not named Clay Smith), because the ONLY way you can stop Ablett is to not let him have the ball (duh). You can't tackle the guy so if he gets it he's gone. Obviously someone will give him extra attention (I vote Boyd but lol), but to really restrict his influence we need to have two premium extractors (Libba and Smith) around the ball, as well as extra numbers where we can. Basically we need to win as much of the ball as possible. As athletic or whatever they're hyping this week as Zac Smith is, it's still only his second game back; I'm hoping Will beats the shit out him over 4 quarters and gets really physical.
Side note, there is no way that Ablett doesn't go for 35 and 4, so let's just accept that none of this will happen. I'm trying to come up with anything we can do here and the bow is stretching loooooooong.
One of their hacks (Russell, Shaw, etc.) is going to tag Griffen but this is an afterthought if they follow what I'll lay out later.
This isn't to disregard Prestia and O'Meara and Swallow when he rotates through (seriously *!*! the AFL), but right now, if we go straight head to head with our guys we theoretically should break even with them at this stage of their careers. In two years we are so so boned but not just yet.
Forwards Vs Backs
This could get tricky because, as mentioned earlier, their big forwards can catch and have enormous tanks. Roughead to Lynch, who is less mobile than Dixon, is the obvious matchup but Charlie presents a far greater problem. We're obviously going to put Morris on him but he's way too big for Dale if he's deep. We could let him drift up the ground but he's also an excellent kick and if given too much space can engineer attack for them. We've just gotta hope that Moz can do what he always does and beats guys he has no real right to.
JJ to Hall but no one cares about Hall. Or JJ if we're being real. There's just so much else to worry about.
As for the inverse, I actually feel kinda good about this. Their backs (namely Swallow and Mackenzie) lean on Thompson and May to play all the defense so they can set up attacks, but with Jones out and there being very little chance of us playing a second ruck, Thompson doesn't have a clear match-up. Whoever he goes to has to run him off his feet and use what should be a speed advantage; I'm hoping this is Crameri, who will hopefully use his tank to work up the ground and hit Grant up on the lead 12 or so times throughout the game.
As for what this means for Mackenzie and Swallow, they might actually have to *gasp* defend. We aren't going to get both of them, but if we can get one I'd prefer it be Mackenzie. That kick is just...well damn. Whoever gets him (I'm thinking Stringer) needs to take him deep. I haven't seen much of him one on one and I'm hoping it's for a reason.
Stylistically
The Gold Coast are an aesthetically beautiful team and, when given the opportunity, absolutely ribbon teams. I don't think they have a single player (that they allow to touch the ball anyway) that isn't an excellent kick. They work extremely well in space, and they're so so quick that they can carry the ball past the opposition if they don't feel like using raking 50m lace out passes.
So let's not let them do any of that and make the game as ugly as possible. 8, no, no 10 GUYS at every stoppage. Play dirty. Don't afford them any of the luxuries that they've had in their wins so far. The Roos are a worse version of the GC, and this style of play, whilst rage inducing, almost, and should have gotten us a win. And winning is dope, never forget.
In-Game Soundtrack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXfaJ9lsC58&feature=kp
The God is back and it's just the tits. Who's got him down for 12 goals? Because I do.
But seriously I think we're gonna die.
GC by 45.