BulldogBelle
30-08-2010, 02:22 PM
I’m sitting in a town called Norseman at the moment on my way over to Melbourne for the finals. Shocked to hear that my sister niece and one of my nephews are not going to the finals because they don’t want to see us get smashed by Collingwood.
.
What we need is a minor miracle and there is a way to pull one off. We should summon the power of nothingness in the universe and use it to win. Continually springing out of nothing is positive and negative matter that mostly reform back into nothingness. Every now and again the positive and negative get so far apart that they manage to stay apart and suns and worlds and black holes develop.
.
So, what we are going to do is from nothingness summon the power of positive thought. We are not going to Hope that we beat Collingwood, we are going to EXPECT to beat Collingwood. Hope is for losers as it implies no effort and has at least 3 outcomes, that of win, draw and loss. We, on the other hand are going to EXPECT to win.
.
Q. Do we have the fitness?
A. Yes.
Q. Do we have the Skills?
A. Yes
Q. Do we have the desire?
A. Yes
Q. has it been done before?
A. Yes.
.
Then tell all your Bulldog mates to EXPECT the bulldogs to win. Tell any players that they are EXPECTED to win. Also show this to any Collingwood players and supporters as it gives them a reason why they can lose honourably. The Bulldog players should be imagining how well they are going to play, they are going to dream it, they are going to take those big marks, make those great chase downs, do those great tackles, make those great passes and kick those great goals. If they can imagine it then they can do it.
Also Collingwood are stuffed due to Didak’s belittlement of the opposition when he did those shimmies. A commandment in footy is that thou shalt not belittle thine opposition least thou be smote by loss of form.
Another way fans can help the team win is to perform the following simple ritual. Get yourself a shoebox or similar container and half fill it with sand. Then go around and gather together 25 pieces of dog poo. What! Yes, dog poo, and lay these pieces of dog poo on the sand. Preferably in 5 rows of 5.
.
Then get all of the possible Collingwood jumper numbers for this Saturday’s match, representing the starting 22 plus 3 emergencies and pin each one to a piece of dog poo. Then with some black and white paint carefully paint stripes on the poo. (you can use black shoe polish and shoe whitener for this ).
With each Collingwood player thus represented by their own piece of poo sing out the following chant.
.
Bad old Collywobble for never
You don’t know how to play the game.
Side by side you stick together
Like your legs and arms are lame
See your barrackers a shouting
“You are all no bloody good!’
Oh the horribleness and shame
For poor old Collingwood.
.
The more times you do that the more effect it will have.
.
Frequently asked questions regarding this chant:
Q. Isn’t it disrespectful to Collingwood to represent their players are pieces of dog poo?
A. No, on the contrary it is quite an honour, we wouldn’t go through all this trouble for easy-beats.
Q. I can’t find 25 bits of dog poo, is it alright if I cut some in half?
A. Yes but each cut piece will be less potent.
Q. Can I use cat poo?
A. No.
Q. Is it alright to have the numbers and Collingwood stripes both on the same piece of paper so that I don’t have to use paint?
A. Yes.
Q. Does it have to lie in a bed of sand?
A. Not necessarily sand but you should use a stable medium.
Q. Does it all have to be from the same dog?
A. No
Q. does the age of the poo matter?
A. No
Q. This seems to have religious overtones, devil worship and the like.
A. No, nothing like that. Its all Physiopsychiochopperlogical.
.
What we need is a minor miracle and there is a way to pull one off. We should summon the power of nothingness in the universe and use it to win. Continually springing out of nothing is positive and negative matter that mostly reform back into nothingness. Every now and again the positive and negative get so far apart that they manage to stay apart and suns and worlds and black holes develop.
.
So, what we are going to do is from nothingness summon the power of positive thought. We are not going to Hope that we beat Collingwood, we are going to EXPECT to beat Collingwood. Hope is for losers as it implies no effort and has at least 3 outcomes, that of win, draw and loss. We, on the other hand are going to EXPECT to win.
.
Q. Do we have the fitness?
A. Yes.
Q. Do we have the Skills?
A. Yes
Q. Do we have the desire?
A. Yes
Q. has it been done before?
A. Yes.
.
Then tell all your Bulldog mates to EXPECT the bulldogs to win. Tell any players that they are EXPECTED to win. Also show this to any Collingwood players and supporters as it gives them a reason why they can lose honourably. The Bulldog players should be imagining how well they are going to play, they are going to dream it, they are going to take those big marks, make those great chase downs, do those great tackles, make those great passes and kick those great goals. If they can imagine it then they can do it.
Also Collingwood are stuffed due to Didak’s belittlement of the opposition when he did those shimmies. A commandment in footy is that thou shalt not belittle thine opposition least thou be smote by loss of form.
Another way fans can help the team win is to perform the following simple ritual. Get yourself a shoebox or similar container and half fill it with sand. Then go around and gather together 25 pieces of dog poo. What! Yes, dog poo, and lay these pieces of dog poo on the sand. Preferably in 5 rows of 5.
.
Then get all of the possible Collingwood jumper numbers for this Saturday’s match, representing the starting 22 plus 3 emergencies and pin each one to a piece of dog poo. Then with some black and white paint carefully paint stripes on the poo. (you can use black shoe polish and shoe whitener for this ).
With each Collingwood player thus represented by their own piece of poo sing out the following chant.
.
Bad old Collywobble for never
You don’t know how to play the game.
Side by side you stick together
Like your legs and arms are lame
See your barrackers a shouting
“You are all no bloody good!’
Oh the horribleness and shame
For poor old Collingwood.
.
The more times you do that the more effect it will have.
.
Frequently asked questions regarding this chant:
Q. Isn’t it disrespectful to Collingwood to represent their players are pieces of dog poo?
A. No, on the contrary it is quite an honour, we wouldn’t go through all this trouble for easy-beats.
Q. I can’t find 25 bits of dog poo, is it alright if I cut some in half?
A. Yes but each cut piece will be less potent.
Q. Can I use cat poo?
A. No.
Q. Is it alright to have the numbers and Collingwood stripes both on the same piece of paper so that I don’t have to use paint?
A. Yes.
Q. Does it have to lie in a bed of sand?
A. Not necessarily sand but you should use a stable medium.
Q. Does it all have to be from the same dog?
A. No
Q. does the age of the poo matter?
A. No
Q. This seems to have religious overtones, devil worship and the like.
A. No, nothing like that. Its all Physiopsychiochopperlogical.