aker39
16-06-2011, 11:32 AM
A clan of true believers
Peter Hanlon
June 16, 2011
http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/a-clan-of-true-believers-20110615-1g3xa.html
Bob Murphy's parents met when John was a Catholic priest and Monica a nun. They left the order to be together, had Ben, Bridget and then little Robbie. On the eve of his 200th game, they talk to Peter Hanlon about storytelling, crushing disappointment, and keeping the faith - in football and life.
JOHN: I vividly remember his first game. He was eight, and there was a lightning premiership out at Buln Buln. Monica and I were wondering, 'He mightn't take to this …' Ben was already playing footy, he was four or five years older. For the first two or three minutes he just wandered around, didn't look completely at home, then the ball bounced loose and he went, whoosh! He swooped on it and kicked it onto a guy's chest. And I thought, 'He's got it. He's got the gift.'
MONICA: He was a gorgeous kid. He was number three, what else could he be? Robbie didn't like conflict - he would never tell you that anything was worrying him. He was one of those little fellows who would work around it. Ben and Bridget were in secondary school, and he was going to primary school. I said to him one day, 'Today you'll have to come home when there's no one at home', because we weren't going to get home before him. He said, 'Well, it depends how you look at it, Mum. I could be the latch-door kid, who's neglected, or I could be the kid who's taking responsibility and who's been given some freedom. And that's the way I see it.' He was saying that to accommodate me, to make me feel better. He always looked for the best option, the most positive for everyone. I think he thought I had to be looked after, and he still does that.
JOHN: I never heard him articulate that he wanted to be a footballer.
JOHN: He was never one of those driven, 'I'm going to be a footballer' kids. He talked more about playing basketball and cricket.
MONICA: I just remember him talking about having a comfortable life, good fun. Ben was strong, wanted to learn and go ahead and break barriers. Bridget was a real leader later in school, before that she was easy-going but still more driven than Robbie.
JOHN: You wouldn't have heard him say, 'I'm bored'. There was nothing to be bored about, always plenty of friends, plenty of things to do. But if you were going to talk about them going on to be professional sportspeople, Rob wouldn't have been the first or the second that you'd think of. But I wonder if he was disguising some real ambition or desire.
MONICA: I like his columns. I'm a bit surprised by his grasp of structure, but I'm not surprised at his Irish storytelling. He always had that wistful, dreamy way, he's poetic. He always had a different life view from most people. Mary Mutsaers (Rob's secondary school English teacher) said she knew he had it, but he wouldn't put it on paper. But I don't think school was the right forum for him. He said he learnt more from sitting around our table listening to our adult friends than he did from sitting in a classroom.
JOHN: We've loved his footy career, it's given us so much pleasure. But his writing for The Age is almost as gratifying to me as his football. I'm rapt, to see him expressing himself like he does. When he was drafted he left Warragul, a country town, and went to Footscray City Secondary College where he told us no one spoke to him for three months. I remember Monica said, 'It's going to be hard, how are you going to go?' It was VCE. He said, 'It is hard, but I reckon at the end of it I'll be really glad I did it.' It was like his ambition to be a footballer - it kind of surprised me.
MONICA: We've been very blessed and lucky because Rob hasn't been maligned, he hasn't been slammed onto the front page and embarrassed in any way. It's full credit to him. I think he's established good boundaries, and he's been careful. I feel as though we haven't had to worry, he's managed that. I'm often appalled at somebody's son being condemned, it's so harsh. Just because they're playing footy.
JOHN: Society can be very unforgiving, self-righteous. These boys who are becoming young men … we expect too much of them too soon just because they get so much out of their bodies, their skills are so great, and we expect them to be flawless. And of course none of us are. People make judgments prematurely, and I feel sorry for most of the people who are maligned. Rob's had great mentors. He went to the Bulldogs, he didn't have a licence, didn't have a car, Luke Darcy would come around, beep, beep, and take him to training. Then Simon Garlick and Ben Harrison. As parents, we felt that's good.
MONICA: I worry when they have a really bad loss, he'll be aching, in a bad space, and there's nothing we can do. Injuries are a different thing - that's manageable, it's in the hands of the medicos. It's the internal sense of disappointment, of failure, that he has to manage. And it's constant.
JOHN: The exhilaration of winning is terrific, but then you look at the last few weeks when they lose, then almost immediately they're trying to psyche themselves up physically and mentally for the next game in six or seven days' time. To me that would be so hard - if you have a crash in your life, you want to take your time to get over it.
MONICA: We're pretty good watchers, but I'm hopeless if he gets hurt.
JOHN: I don't really want to be talking to people watching the game, I like to watch it and him, see what's happening. But we can get annoyed, frustrated.
MONICA: We get thrilled, too. I love watching him play. I love watching Griff too, I love watching a lot of them. But when Robbie gets it you think, he's going to do something. I don't want to sound like a boasting Mum, but you think he's going to kick it to someone, or he's going to whirl out of that tackle.
JOHN: I think he's different. All through his junior footy confirmed to me that he did have a gift, the gift of speed and skill and know-how. He developed that through coaching, but I think a lot of it was in him too. I always said the same thing to him before games: 'Hold your chest marks, kick with both feet and find a man.' We don't talk about footy all the time, but the times we have he says we shouldn't overcomplicate the game, it's a simple game. I think he's a believer in the basics.
MONICA: I think Justine is his strength. She minds their children, she's there for him, she gives him all the right stuff to take to get himself up and about. She's been a terrific support to him. She's only a little girl, but she's a strong girl. They live in a sort of a bubble those two.
JOHN: Rob's always been very conscious about having a life away from football, going to music, his friendships, he's got friendships from primary school. He's maintained all of that, and that's healthy.
MONICA: Like I said before, he establishes boundaries.
JOHN: I wasn't keen to be the celebrant at their wedding, I thought, 'Two hats', but they were pretty keen. It turned out terrific.
MONICA: It was lovely … We both had to be fairly resilient in our lives, and had to make decisions to leave something and go into something else, which was a lot more confronting than maybe people realise. You dislocate yourselves from the normal network, and you're aware of that, and you disappoint people. I think that made us fairly self-reliant. Because we were already such good friends, that cemented that, we were pulling this wagon together.
JOHN: We shared the same religious culture, values and experiences which were a basis for our friendship. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
MONICA: Going off to Alice Springs (after marrying) was a metaphor for our life.
JOHN: I was manager of an Aboriginal residential college, and Monica taught at the Catholic primary school. We lived there for six years, Ben and Bridget were born there. It was a really good time for us. It gave us a breadth of experience with indigenous Australia which was precious.
MONICA: It was a privilege, not many people get that experience of the Aboriginal people, and going into their communities.
JOHN: And their communities coming to us, coming to our house. It was great.
MONICA: Robbie questions religion, which is good, because he's not taking on the fairytale.
JOHN: We question too …
MONICA: He's taking on the true message, not some magic religious formula. And we encourage that. He's a questioner, he's a searcher, and so are we. That's good, that's healthy. He's got to believe in the community that he's in at the Bulldogs, he's got to believe in those guys. I think that's the only thing that's going to lift them off the ground. I often want to say to him, 'Just take the young guys out and talk to them, make them feel good'. He probably does.
JOHN: We know how he was mentored, and it warms my heart now to see him mentoring.
MONICA: I love what he wrote about Andrew Krakouer, he put his hand up and said something.
JOHN: I think people think AFL footballers, they're on the front page, they have a profile … but these are real people, flesh and blood people, they get hurt and they get disappointed, they get insulted. And they do terrific things too.
MONICA: I think I'll write a book - I want to help all mothers of draftees. It's the closest thing to relinquishment …
JOHN: It's a bit like adopting your child out … He's only young and he seems to have taken a lot of things on board - his football obviously, the leadership within the players' association, his writing, marriage and parenthood. It's a big feather in his cap. When Jarvis was born, Robbie held him in the hospital and it was really special - you could see that he was such a beautiful husband and father.
MONICA: He's a loving son, he just transferred what you gave him to that little boy. Is AFL football what we expected? I think it's been a terrific ride, and I think, 'Thank God for the Bulldogs'. I think they've been a really honest group, a nice group of men. I think Rob's been very lucky. He's been in a team that's struggled for most of his time, but it's authentic.
JOHN: A bit more success would have been nice …
MONICA: A bit more success would have been delightful, but they groan and they weep together, they laugh and they play together. It's been a good journey. I think he's been a person of integrity. I honestly get a bit nervous saying that, but what Mum wouldn't say that?
Peter Hanlon
June 16, 2011
http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/a-clan-of-true-believers-20110615-1g3xa.html
Bob Murphy's parents met when John was a Catholic priest and Monica a nun. They left the order to be together, had Ben, Bridget and then little Robbie. On the eve of his 200th game, they talk to Peter Hanlon about storytelling, crushing disappointment, and keeping the faith - in football and life.
JOHN: I vividly remember his first game. He was eight, and there was a lightning premiership out at Buln Buln. Monica and I were wondering, 'He mightn't take to this …' Ben was already playing footy, he was four or five years older. For the first two or three minutes he just wandered around, didn't look completely at home, then the ball bounced loose and he went, whoosh! He swooped on it and kicked it onto a guy's chest. And I thought, 'He's got it. He's got the gift.'
MONICA: He was a gorgeous kid. He was number three, what else could he be? Robbie didn't like conflict - he would never tell you that anything was worrying him. He was one of those little fellows who would work around it. Ben and Bridget were in secondary school, and he was going to primary school. I said to him one day, 'Today you'll have to come home when there's no one at home', because we weren't going to get home before him. He said, 'Well, it depends how you look at it, Mum. I could be the latch-door kid, who's neglected, or I could be the kid who's taking responsibility and who's been given some freedom. And that's the way I see it.' He was saying that to accommodate me, to make me feel better. He always looked for the best option, the most positive for everyone. I think he thought I had to be looked after, and he still does that.
JOHN: I never heard him articulate that he wanted to be a footballer.
JOHN: He was never one of those driven, 'I'm going to be a footballer' kids. He talked more about playing basketball and cricket.
MONICA: I just remember him talking about having a comfortable life, good fun. Ben was strong, wanted to learn and go ahead and break barriers. Bridget was a real leader later in school, before that she was easy-going but still more driven than Robbie.
JOHN: You wouldn't have heard him say, 'I'm bored'. There was nothing to be bored about, always plenty of friends, plenty of things to do. But if you were going to talk about them going on to be professional sportspeople, Rob wouldn't have been the first or the second that you'd think of. But I wonder if he was disguising some real ambition or desire.
MONICA: I like his columns. I'm a bit surprised by his grasp of structure, but I'm not surprised at his Irish storytelling. He always had that wistful, dreamy way, he's poetic. He always had a different life view from most people. Mary Mutsaers (Rob's secondary school English teacher) said she knew he had it, but he wouldn't put it on paper. But I don't think school was the right forum for him. He said he learnt more from sitting around our table listening to our adult friends than he did from sitting in a classroom.
JOHN: We've loved his footy career, it's given us so much pleasure. But his writing for The Age is almost as gratifying to me as his football. I'm rapt, to see him expressing himself like he does. When he was drafted he left Warragul, a country town, and went to Footscray City Secondary College where he told us no one spoke to him for three months. I remember Monica said, 'It's going to be hard, how are you going to go?' It was VCE. He said, 'It is hard, but I reckon at the end of it I'll be really glad I did it.' It was like his ambition to be a footballer - it kind of surprised me.
MONICA: We've been very blessed and lucky because Rob hasn't been maligned, he hasn't been slammed onto the front page and embarrassed in any way. It's full credit to him. I think he's established good boundaries, and he's been careful. I feel as though we haven't had to worry, he's managed that. I'm often appalled at somebody's son being condemned, it's so harsh. Just because they're playing footy.
JOHN: Society can be very unforgiving, self-righteous. These boys who are becoming young men … we expect too much of them too soon just because they get so much out of their bodies, their skills are so great, and we expect them to be flawless. And of course none of us are. People make judgments prematurely, and I feel sorry for most of the people who are maligned. Rob's had great mentors. He went to the Bulldogs, he didn't have a licence, didn't have a car, Luke Darcy would come around, beep, beep, and take him to training. Then Simon Garlick and Ben Harrison. As parents, we felt that's good.
MONICA: I worry when they have a really bad loss, he'll be aching, in a bad space, and there's nothing we can do. Injuries are a different thing - that's manageable, it's in the hands of the medicos. It's the internal sense of disappointment, of failure, that he has to manage. And it's constant.
JOHN: The exhilaration of winning is terrific, but then you look at the last few weeks when they lose, then almost immediately they're trying to psyche themselves up physically and mentally for the next game in six or seven days' time. To me that would be so hard - if you have a crash in your life, you want to take your time to get over it.
MONICA: We're pretty good watchers, but I'm hopeless if he gets hurt.
JOHN: I don't really want to be talking to people watching the game, I like to watch it and him, see what's happening. But we can get annoyed, frustrated.
MONICA: We get thrilled, too. I love watching him play. I love watching Griff too, I love watching a lot of them. But when Robbie gets it you think, he's going to do something. I don't want to sound like a boasting Mum, but you think he's going to kick it to someone, or he's going to whirl out of that tackle.
JOHN: I think he's different. All through his junior footy confirmed to me that he did have a gift, the gift of speed and skill and know-how. He developed that through coaching, but I think a lot of it was in him too. I always said the same thing to him before games: 'Hold your chest marks, kick with both feet and find a man.' We don't talk about footy all the time, but the times we have he says we shouldn't overcomplicate the game, it's a simple game. I think he's a believer in the basics.
MONICA: I think Justine is his strength. She minds their children, she's there for him, she gives him all the right stuff to take to get himself up and about. She's been a terrific support to him. She's only a little girl, but she's a strong girl. They live in a sort of a bubble those two.
JOHN: Rob's always been very conscious about having a life away from football, going to music, his friendships, he's got friendships from primary school. He's maintained all of that, and that's healthy.
MONICA: Like I said before, he establishes boundaries.
JOHN: I wasn't keen to be the celebrant at their wedding, I thought, 'Two hats', but they were pretty keen. It turned out terrific.
MONICA: It was lovely … We both had to be fairly resilient in our lives, and had to make decisions to leave something and go into something else, which was a lot more confronting than maybe people realise. You dislocate yourselves from the normal network, and you're aware of that, and you disappoint people. I think that made us fairly self-reliant. Because we were already such good friends, that cemented that, we were pulling this wagon together.
JOHN: We shared the same religious culture, values and experiences which were a basis for our friendship. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
MONICA: Going off to Alice Springs (after marrying) was a metaphor for our life.
JOHN: I was manager of an Aboriginal residential college, and Monica taught at the Catholic primary school. We lived there for six years, Ben and Bridget were born there. It was a really good time for us. It gave us a breadth of experience with indigenous Australia which was precious.
MONICA: It was a privilege, not many people get that experience of the Aboriginal people, and going into their communities.
JOHN: And their communities coming to us, coming to our house. It was great.
MONICA: Robbie questions religion, which is good, because he's not taking on the fairytale.
JOHN: We question too …
MONICA: He's taking on the true message, not some magic religious formula. And we encourage that. He's a questioner, he's a searcher, and so are we. That's good, that's healthy. He's got to believe in the community that he's in at the Bulldogs, he's got to believe in those guys. I think that's the only thing that's going to lift them off the ground. I often want to say to him, 'Just take the young guys out and talk to them, make them feel good'. He probably does.
JOHN: We know how he was mentored, and it warms my heart now to see him mentoring.
MONICA: I love what he wrote about Andrew Krakouer, he put his hand up and said something.
JOHN: I think people think AFL footballers, they're on the front page, they have a profile … but these are real people, flesh and blood people, they get hurt and they get disappointed, they get insulted. And they do terrific things too.
MONICA: I think I'll write a book - I want to help all mothers of draftees. It's the closest thing to relinquishment …
JOHN: It's a bit like adopting your child out … He's only young and he seems to have taken a lot of things on board - his football obviously, the leadership within the players' association, his writing, marriage and parenthood. It's a big feather in his cap. When Jarvis was born, Robbie held him in the hospital and it was really special - you could see that he was such a beautiful husband and father.
MONICA: He's a loving son, he just transferred what you gave him to that little boy. Is AFL football what we expected? I think it's been a terrific ride, and I think, 'Thank God for the Bulldogs'. I think they've been a really honest group, a nice group of men. I think Rob's been very lucky. He's been in a team that's struggled for most of his time, but it's authentic.
JOHN: A bit more success would have been nice …
MONICA: A bit more success would have been delightful, but they groan and they weep together, they laugh and they play together. It's been a good journey. I think he's been a person of integrity. I honestly get a bit nervous saying that, but what Mum wouldn't say that?